Air

WHY DO SOLDIERS RETURN?

"Why would anybody return?" I’m asked that question constantly in one form or another and often wish I had formal training as a psychologist for further understanding. Vietnam-Indochina Tours has sent 100’s of soldiers back to Vietnam and I still don’t have an exact answer; maybe that is because there is no answer at all. All have different reasons or a mixture of reasons.

I personally didn’t want to go back the first time when Courtney called me in 1993. I thought he had gone mad or was just pulling my leg. It wasn’t until the airline tickets arrived that I had to truly try and explain to him why I was going to return the tickets and couldn’t go with him. But the only reason that I could come up with was fear: fear of the unknown and fear of repercussions. "What if these guys find out that I was a sniper, what if. . ." but Courtney wouldn’t even allow me to even think about backing out. I was one of his platoon sergeants and every platoon leader needs his platoon sergeant. Sleepless weeks were to follow.

I remember one evening on the Mekong in 1968 when the sun was setting behind the palm trees and reflecting on the river and rice paddies as the farmers plied their sampans down the river for home from the market. . . or maybe he was taking weapons to the next battle site; who knows. The person next to me said, "I wonder what this place is like in peace? It must be beautiful. . . ." We fantasized as to what it would be like to wander around the country without fear and war; what it would be like to just hang around a village and learn about the people and their ancient ways.

From generals to privates, from Medal-of- Honor winners to rear echelon, from former USO girls to former USMC grunts, we have done them all. The average person going back is an ex-combat infantryman; it’s interesting that these were the men who saw the majority of the horrors of the war and were also a minority in Vietnam. In conversation most have attempted to tell me what their motive for returning is:

"I just want to find something. . . I don’t know exactly what yet."
"I would really like to find my old tiger scout."
"I had my legs cut off in the field and I believe that I can find the remnants of my bones."
"I want to return something to those people instead of taking it."
"There was this bar in Saigon. . . I was in love for two-nights. I’m sure the building is at least still there."
"There was this old mama-san that lived by the bridge with her family. She always treated us right; I’m sure her family is still there; I want to see the kids again."
"I had the best times in Vung Tau, I want to relive them."

The reasons go on and on, but I wonder if the questions asked of me aren’t also an indication of hidden reasons:

‘I won’t flip out, will I?’
‘How did you feel after coming back? Were you in combat yourself?’
‘How do the people treat you?’
‘Is it safe?’
‘Will I recognize anything when I go back?’
‘I feel like I’m carrying extra baggage that I might be able to dump if I go back. . . did that happen for you.’

Whatever the reason for going back is for going back I am continually amazed at the number who go back the second time and for very different reasons and with different agendas than the first. Those who go back the second time seem to go back for a vacation and are much more relaxed and excited about the trip. For these people it seems to be a two-step process, first-trip: the curiosity, healing. . . , second-trip: to relax and enjoy and sometimes to complete the first goal, but always to relax and enjoy.

For myself I went for a friend the first time and for curiosity the second time with a deep hidden hope for understanding and to ride the horse that threw me. Unlike most others, my reason for returning the second time was for business, but with an excitement unlike before: I couldn’t wait to see my new friends again, travel to the places, hang out with villagers and relax on the beaches. But most of all, to dump the rest of my rucksack; for this time I knew it was only hanging by a thread.

Whatever a soldier’s reason, it’s his reason. He fought for freedom and the freedom to go back is his. He should not go for anybody else or anybody else’s reasons. He above all deserves the opportunity to go back without any bigotry or snide remarks, only with consideration and maybe a little moral support. Only he can walk the dikes for himself and only he will understand what he is seeing and feeling. Only he can lighten the load of his rucksack.

I’m also not sure why those that don’t go back don’t feel a need to do so. I know most can afford it and that a great many just don’t want to because they are in denial of their fear, hatred and past. I’m just as sure that some are at certain peace and just don’t feel the need to have any curiosity.

Without a doubt though, the most exciting part of sending men back is their comments after returning, it truly is what makes us tick. . . no one who has gone back felt it was a waste of time or that the trip had made life more difficult for them. I haven’t heard from all, but the average person has nothing but kudos for the concept and some claim to be a reborn person. Our testimonials are our proudest medals.

Vietnam and its people welcome Americans with no evident harboring of ill-will. The country is once again beautiful and its beaches are no longer "off limits." Their crime rate is one of the lowest in the world. There are many things Vietnam has to teach us about going on with life and making the best of it.

We aspire to treat our fellow veterans as no one else can; we give you the best bang for your bucks, we know this land. . . this is what our Veterans Tours are all about. It’s your decision to return and no one else’s. You have the right to go back, you earned it. We’re here to help and give you the tour of Vietnam you’ve been looking for.